Welcome to my crazy life

This is a blog of a single mom trying to make it in the world. Come share the ups and downs with me.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Day from Hell

My God today blew. I am so tired and frustrated. To start, my son got a red star (he has a star system at school for behavior orange – great, yellow – one bad deed, red – two bad deeds, and finally blue – a trip to the principals office). I talked to his teacher this morning before school about why he got a red star the day before. She basically implied that my son is manipulating people trying to get them to do his work for him and he is being lazy and trying to use excuses to get out of doing his work. Well this semester at school they are training the kids to be responsible. So his teacher is not accepting any excuses. If you don't do your work, you get in trouble. So I told Clay that he had to do what his teacher told him to, everything his teacher told him to do. Then I left for work.
I got to work and that is a total mess right now. We are going paperless now, and our new storage software was just installed on my computer yesterday. I have no clue how it works, but I need to figure it out. So I spent all morning trudging through complicated software while still trying to get work done. I don't have time now to experiment with the system because I have to produce 1099's and W-2's for clients. So far I have only received one set of 1099's. I have to produce all of the 1099's and W-2's before the 29th of January. So needless to say I am under a bit of a time crunch that I can't control, and now I have to push out work quickly in new software that I don't understand yet. When I left work I was frustrated and upset.
Then I got to school. Clayton got a red star again today. Again he didn't do his work like he was supposed to. Not only that today he told the teacher that he can't concentrate and he can't get his thoughts out of his head. Great. Now he has been recommended for evaluation with the school physiologist. I told his teacher this afternoon that there is nothing wrong with my son mentally, he is just being an entitled whiny brat. He can do the work, in-fact it isn't even difficult for him. He just doesn't want to. So the day before my son's 6th birthday I had to ground him. No TV all day and then he had to help me clean the van, do laundry, and I made him sit down and do the assignment that he didn't do in class.
To top it all off, I have my son's birthday party on Saturday, and honestly I don't want to have it. I know that is really harsh, which is why I am not going to cancel it. But I can tell you, that I won't be having a party next year unless he deserves it. At this rate, he will be lucky to watch any TV ever again.
There are times in my life, like today, when I feel like I have way to friggin much on my plate. Times like this I feel very alone.

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Walls and luggage

So another day. I have not exercised yet today and I missed yesterday. However I have exercised five days this week which I guess is acceptable. I am just apprehensive about not exercising because if I give myself an excuse for one day, then it turns into two, then four, then I quit. It is a slippery slope. I have been doing well on my diet. Let me tell you though, the Alli pills are not for the faint of heart. They actually work. The side effects are not pleasant, so I recommend that if you are not planning on eating a low fat diet, DO NOT take them. It is a nice reminder when the side effects take place, that you have eaten too much fat. I hope my plan works this time. I really am tired of being overweight. Yesterday while at the mall with my son, he started to sing “chunky chunky mommy”. I can't lecture him on it too much because, well, it is the truth. I just tell him that it is not nice to point things out about people that they might be embarrassed about.
Not only that but I think that I have been using my weight as a shield. I have not been interested in dating since the break-up of my last relationship and the weight keeps men at bay. I don't think that mentally and obviously physically it is healthy. If I don't want to date that is my decision. I don't think that I should be building walls however. That can lead to difficulty taking them down when I do decide that I am ready. I already have many things that can make relationships difficult and I don't need to be adding resentment and walls into my luggage.
Today we (my parents and I) are taking my son to his first U of A basketball game. He went to a football game at the beginning of the season. He got bored in the first quarter. I can't say I blame him. Football is a fairly slow game, with big spurts that usually he can't see because people stand up. Basketball is a faster moving game and it might hold his attention longer. We will see.

Friday, January 8, 2010

Totally embarrassing....

So today I baby sat for a friend of mine at work. Her son is four. My son is six, so I thought that they would have a good time playing together. Ha! Get this, it wasn't the four year old that was away from his parents who cried all the time... it was my son. So embarrassing. The four year old is calm and wonderful. He speaks wonderfully and never raised his voice. My son was trying to boss him around and when I told him to knock it off, he got really nasty. He started screaming and yelling at the top of his lungs. At 7:30 I had enough and I sent him to bed. I feel like I lost some secret kid lotto.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Losing and gaining

Hoorah for getting advances on paychecks. Fortunately my employer is nice and allows us to get advances. I went to the grocery store and bought good food today. I got some good deals on vegetables. I was out of salad stuff, which is one of my favorite things to eat when I am dieting. I am going to try to move away from processed foods. I have found before that the more natural I go with the foods the more success I have with dieting.
I have not yet exercised today. I am trying to decide if I should ride the bike today or do my balance ball work out. I probably should try to vary my workouts as much as possible. I need to work on my abs quite a bit. Well I am off to try and work off those lbs!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Weight loss and poverty

Today I rode my bike for a half an hour or so. It feels good once my knees loosen up. At first when I start out they feel stiff and like they are going to pop. If I push through the feeling they loosen up and actually feel better for a couple of hours. I need the physical exercise for my joints as much as I do for the weight loss.
The other problem I have right now with trying to lose weight is that I am broke. I can't buy anymore food right now, and I am out of things that would help like Romaine and tomatoes. I am trying to stay away from the bread, but I may have to step up my workouts because I will run out of foods to eat that are healthy. I get paid on the 15th, so I can finally stock up on healthy food.
The biggest reason why I am broke is because my ex is far behind on his child support. I have made calls, filed a Request to Enforce Support, and still nothing. There simply is nothing I can do. If he doesn't pay, then there is nothing to support it. He keeps telling me that he doesn't have the money, and I keep telling him that answer doesn't fly. I can't tell the electrical company that now can I? So it is up to me to make up for the fact that he refuses to grow up and work.

Sunday, January 3, 2010

Weight loss - The beginning

Today I am embarking on my final and hopefully successful journey towards true weight loss. I am beyond tired of being over weight. My self image has taken a hit, between my divorce, my last relationship, and my complete inability to look in the mirror and see something beautiful. I know that there is beauty there and that it lives behind all of the broken promises I have made to myself. In all of the things that I have endured, I know that I have the strength to complete this journey. I need to keep myself motivated. I have all of the tools that I need for success. I have several different exercise programs, a stationary bike, a bottle of Alli, and a copy of the South Beach Diet. I also have examples of strength and overcoming all around me. So, today I embark on a journey of weight loss and more importantly, completing a promise to myself.

Friday, January 1, 2010

A New Year

Hello all! Well I am writing this from my new laptop, which is totally sweet. I had been using a desktop that was nine years old. I don't think that I had realized how slow it had gotten until I started using my new laptop. I am going to keep my old desktop for now so that I can use it for my son and so that I can store my files that are really important on two different computers. The only thing that I would really like to get for this laptop is a skin for the outside cover. The outside gets covered in fingerprints every time that I touch it.

So far I like Windows 7. I was a bit nervous about having the newest operating system from Windows, but so far I like it much better than Vista. My parents laptop has Vista on it and it sucks. So here is to hoping that it continues to work well.

My son and I had a great Christmas. He got all kinds of toys. It was funny though because he was convinced that Santa Claus had come, not because of the big present that had Santa's name on it, but because there was a little bit of the cookie left that he had left out. I thought that was hilarious. This year we did something different on Christmas morning. Usually I go out to my parents for Christmas morning and then run home so that I can get my son ready to go with his father. This year my parents suggested that we stay home and that they would come to my house. Let me tell you, that was wonderful! Usually I have to run around and hurry, but I was able to relax. It was great!

Well New Years was a slow one for me this year. I normally go out with my friends or have a party at my house. This year we all decided that we wanted to stay home. So for the first time I spent the night at home with my kid. It was also the first time that I let my son stay up until midnight. He had more energy than I did!

Well this year I am planning on taking a trip to LA for my 30th Birthday. I hope it pans out. Also this year one of my best friends is going to have a baby! She found out Christmas morning that she was preggo! So it will be wonderful, cause I will be able to help her and I get to go do all the fun stuff, shopping and such, without having to bring a newborn home!

Well I think that is all I have for now, but I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year!