Bigot? I think not.

So yesterday I was at the U of A football game with my friend C. We were having a good time and generally being goof balls. Then I brought up to her that the wife of one of the accountants in the group that I work with had deleted me from her face book page. She had posted an article about Robert Pattenson (sp?) the guy who is in the Twilight movie. I am not a big fan of the Twilight books because first of all I am too old for teen romance novels and secondly, I think that what they have done with the vampires isn't good. The idea of a vampire falling in love with a mortal is just wrong. I know that in Bram Stoker's Dracula that Dracula falls in love with a mortal, but she is the re-incarnated version of the woman he loved before he was a vampire. And anyways they didn't have a torrid love affair that spans many books. (I digress...)

The trouble began when I posted a comment to her link to the Pattenson story. I simply asked why it is that the new generation of vampires are kinda gay. She and one of her friends took high offense to that and she deleted the story that she posted and deleted me from her friends list. She didn't mention anything to me and I assumed that she was just sensitive about the fact that I didn't like the Twilight books. It struck me as juvenile, but I blew it off. That is until yesterday. I mentioned the incident to my friend C, who is a fellow co-worker and friend to the woman who deleted me. I guess that the real issue she had with my post was that she thought that I was gay bashing. Yes, you heard me right, gay bashing. Now at first I was laughing my ass off about that. Obviously, I am not a gay basher or a bigot. Almost all of my friends from college are gay and I even receive the Wingspan newsletter and am going to go through their training at some point about helping young lesbians and gays. This is a subject that I am quite passionate about for sure, but in the direct opposite direction that she accused me of.

At first I laughed about the idea of me as a bigot. The idea is ludicrous. However today I started to get angry. That is a very serious accusation to make about someone, especially someone who does not even know you. And for her to tell other people that I work around... that is serious. How dare she tell other people that, particularly when she doesn't know me. I think that I should avoid her and her nasty allegations. Honestly I don't want to be seen with people like that whether they are on the same side of the fence as me or not.

Assholes and Elbows

So I went to the former in-laws for Trick-or-Treat on Halloween. We do this every year and I have decided that this will be the last year that I go there. You know those moments that make you stop and say, "Damn, I really hate these people?" Yeah I had one of those. They are all backwards hicks, drunks and assholes.

My ex fits perfectly in this picture because he decided that he would wear bright orange lingerie and walk down the street holding a beer and a cigar. Now that is class with a capital K. Icky. Then I spent most of the night sitting in the corner by myself watching the six kids that were there because everyone else was too focused on getting drunk to watch the kids. Fantastic. I have decided that I am not going back there for any other "family" celebration. My ex and I have been divorced for over two years and I am really tired of his family.

So, I have this other problem in that I have a friend who I am close to severing my relationship with her. She constantly lies about the stupidest things. I hate to make my social circle smaller, but I am not sure that I can take the "I'm an expert on things that I have no clue to" shit that she pulls. I really don't know what to do with it.

The good news is that I am doing my traditional "Friends" Thanksgiving again this year. For the last six years I have done a friends Thanksgiving celebration. I like to think that friends are the family that you choose and I like to celebrate the holidays with them. So, we do a Thanksgiving and a New Years celebration. Now that my friend P has a house and I do to, we actually have enough room now to do them right. I love fall, it is my absolute favorite time of the year. So here's to a relaxing and stress free fall!

Thoughts on Love

Love is a many things to many people. Some people experience love that is other worldly, some are taken away by it's charms, for some the love they find is the basis for all good things in their life. Some find love in friends, or their pets. Some find it in their jobs. I seemingly found it in my son.

I never felt, as I thought I should, like I would lose myself if one of my lovers left me. I did not cry when my ex-husband and I broke up and I did not cry when the relationship I had after that ended. I don't believe in the romantic love that the movies and romantic novelists push us to believe in. Maybe it is my experience that has lead me to believe this way. I was not always so pessimistic. I do believe in a love strong enough to make you kill and that love exists between a mother and child. Mention to me the idea of losing my son, just the thought of it makes me tear up a bit.

I am not saying that I am the mushiest and most lovey dovey mother on the block. I tend to be quite harsh on my son. Sometimes in the pressure of single motherhood, I catch myself being too hard on him. That does not mean however that I don't love him. Quite the opposite actually. I love him enough to be hard on him. I won't get into it now, but suffice it to say that my ex-husband tends to be the bad influence. I feel that I need to compensate for his, well, lack of parenting skills. My being hard on him has increased my "mother bear" instincts. Since becoming a single mother I have noticed that I am totally willing, at the drop of a hat, to beat someones ass if they hurt my kid. Don't test me on this either.... I mean it.

I never knew that I would feel this way. It is the strongest kind of love.

Fighting Apathy with Anger

All though my life I was led to believe that I would make a wonderful mother and wife. Somewhere along the line the message got lost in translation. So even though I put up with enough crap and did what I was supposed to do, here I am, the dreaded single mother.

I can tell you that this was the last thing in the world that I wanted for myself and for my child. When I found out that I was preggers, I told my ex that the absolute last thing that I wanted was to be a single mother. I had friends that I watched go through this, and I thought with enough consideration and work put in (on my part) that I could avoid it. It seems that the old saying is true that good intentions pave the road to hell. Through fights and apathy my marriage was lost. That was when I discovered true determination and strength of will. I have become something both good and bad that I thought that I never could be.

So come with me and live in the moment for it is the only thing we have.